But I’m Scared…
Hey Sunnies,
HAPPY MARCH! Late last year I just knew that March would be the shift. It was something about it! I had that gut feeling again. It’s happening and it’s happening IN MARCH. This month I’ve had to do so many things that scare me. I started a new job, completely out of my comfort zone. I had so many emotions. Let’s be real, I HAVE so many emotions. I kept, and sometimes still do, think to myself, “people are going to judge me.” “She wasn’t smart enough to stay in entertainment law.” “She wasn’t good enough.” All these thoughts of doubt about what other people may think about me creeping in.
I started talking to a new man. AHHHHHHHH! Like sunnies, can we be real? I. AM. SHOOK. But what if this crazy thing happens 10 years from now or what if that crazy thing happens 5 years from now. Hell, what if he just doesn’t like me? But you know what, all of that is just anxiety. Years ago I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. One day my therapist was late to a session, and she was never late, so I emailed her in a panic, “Is everything okay?” She lived in Puerto Rico and my mind raced. What if she has no internet? What if her son is sick? Is her family okay? LOL! She hopped on the call 5 minutes later and said, “Well, you got to see a little bit about how your anxiety works.” Did she just read me??
We can make up narratives in our heads about what might happen or what people might think about us, but WHO CARES? It is MY life and I feel so blessed to be living it like this. I feel like I’m in this place where God is like, do you trust ME or do you trust you? Because everything that you can imagine COULD go left. I mean it could. I could fail at this job and never return to my passion. I could end up 27 with another failed relationship. But GOD. And He don’t play about me. I feel Him telling me, “But you are MY child and I gotchu!”
I don’t know… from jobs, to conversations, to dating, if you find yourself saying, “Ughhhhhhh… but I’m scared!” Ask yourself why. Because thennnn we can handle those feelings of inadequacy. Then we can handle the anxiety. Then we can handle the idea that maybe people only like me because I’m unproblematic. Listen, bad things happen but so do GOOD things!! So I’m going to let 2025 be the good thing, whatever it looks like.
I love yall so bad! Goodbye March, hello April and HELLO SPRING!
forever blooming,
Mikaela Amira
